It seems as though I have heard about more children dying than my heart can handle. I think before I became a mother, I would think “that is so sad, I hope their parents will be ok, but they are in Heaven”. I still feel that way, because I feel that God is full of grace and takes all children in his arms as they leave this world behind. However, now it just cuts too deep. The more I hear about young death, the more I cry. It is too hard to separate the loss of someone else’s child with the fear of losing my own. I’ve lost grandparents, which was awful, even friends who lost their parents which in unimaginable to me. But now that I am a mother, to hear that a friend has had a miscarriage, a still birth, lost a baby, or a young child tears me up inside. I have faith that everything happens for a reason, but why this? What is this greater purpose? I know there has to be one, I know that God does not take these children away, that he simply carries them to Heaven when Satan has won a battle, but still…. I’ve had two friends who within the last year who suffered from 2 miscarriages each, and even though they are so excited to be pregnant now, they still grieve those losses. Just last week I heard about a 12 year old boy who went to the hospital for a headache, turned out he had an aneurism, and when being released the found out he had a cancerous brain tumor that took his life within a couple of months. WHY? My oldest nephew is 12, and the thought of something like this happening to him, is too unbearable to put into words. Just a little while ago, a girl who posts on my regular message board told us that today she lost her son, she went into labor at 18 weeks, and there was nothing that could be done. How is this fair? I know I’m typically a lot more positive. I have more hope than I know what to do with, but today I’m having a hard time. I need something good to happen. I need my friends to have healthy babies who live long and happy lives in the Lord, and I need to know that my daughter will be with me until the day I die, which hopefully will be 100 years from now. I know it’s selfish to want to stay on this Earth with her and my husband, and my family, but just call me selfish today.
Sorry for the depressing post, I will try to be back to my positive self tomorrow.
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Dear God,
Thank you for the many blessings you have given us. Thank you for my healthy precious baby girl and for my amazing loving husband. Please give me hope that things turn out the way they are supposed to, even if I cannot see it right now. Please give these families who have lost their children, peace and comfort in knowing that their children are alive in you. Please keep my friends children safe and healthy. Please help my friend Linsie deliver a healthy baby boy soon, as she has already lost so much. Please continue to remind me daily that I am blessed, and that even when Sam is having a rough day, I am blessed to have her in my life. Please watch over us all.
AMEN
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